A Cry For Help

Seriously... Life doesn't feel like all it's supposed to be cracked up to be. See, I was supposed to go back to school; FAFSA refuses to go through so I am most likely going to have to drop my classes. I live with my inlaws; New fight every day. We don't make enough money to pay our bills and get us into our own place; New fight every day + a miserable existence. I try to make the best of it, I apply for everything I possibly can, and get denied for it all because there isnt sufficient information or we make just over the limit allowed to receive any form of benefits. 

I would go back to work, but my hip is jacked up and Im on a light duty scrip. Got fired for it from Walmart. And yet I dont qualify for disability. BS!!!! Our government SUCKS. Especially Utah. Im so tired of trying... No matter where I turn all I get is no, sorry we cant help you... What am I supposed to do? On top of everything, my meds dont work and Im getting more and more depressed about everything every day. Its like I cant catch a break. 

I cant do anything to make it all go away because no one will help. No one CAN help because everyone in this damn country is broke. I keep getting told to pray, to try to find a job, to do this and do that. Well sorry, folks, it aint cuttin it. I just dont know what to do anymore...

ZOMBIES!!!

Yes, you read my title correctly. Zombies. Its the topic of the century it seems. With so much experimentation going on, there's no telling when the zombie apocalypse will begin. Yeah I know I sound like a dorky nerd, but think about it. There has been so much experimentation on the human brain alone, not counting animal brains, trying to bring them back to "life". Is it not likely that it could get seriously out of control, with the government and others thinking they can contain something they don't truly understand? So yes, I am making a plan. An emergency plan. And not just for zombies.


I urge you all to do the same thing I am about to tell you I am doing. Once we have our own apartment, I am going to begin my own emergency preparedness plans. I am going to stock up on non-perishable foods, blankets, hygiene items, water, etc. Everything one could need. Its a good idea to have spare items and parts for vehicles and appliances as well. And things such as candles, first aid kits, extra medication and the like. No Im not just planning for a zombie apocalypse.


As Ive said, yes I believe a zombie infestation is inevitable, but I also believe other disasters inevitable as well. Floods, typhoons, hurricanes, fires, volcanoes, earthquakes, etc. Anything is possible in the eyes of the lord as I see it. 


So today I was watching "You've Got Mail", and decided something. I need to work on opening my bookstore somehow, but I really have no idea where to start. I already have a name picked out for it and know how I want to set it up but have no idea how to get the funding for it and such. Im excited to have a bookstore someday and want to get started on it quickly. Anyone know of any helpful tips?? HEHE 


Well this has been a short blurb for today, but I am too tired to blog more incessant babble, so I will babble some more tomorrow!!!

Strike Me DOWN!

SO. I have come to a realization. Blogging is not much of a niche for many of my friends. And neither is reading them. HAHA. Not many people have viewed my blog. So it makes me think. How many of the worlds population actually do this? Me, I do it just to make my brain think and to get some things out of it that need to be free in order for me to be able to function, think straight, be human again. I like babbling, especially when it makes people happy. So I think I will come up with some cool little thing to do in my blogs to keep them interesting. 


What should I DO???? An advice bit, a quote of the day, what? Anyone have an idea? Message me on Facebook if you do. Because I think it'd be fun! 


Anywho, new games that have come out recently. I have heard so many different excitements about quite a few games! Skyrim, Assassins Creed Revalations, Skyward Sword, Modern Warfare 3, etc. Its so fun! Im excited for Assassins Creed. I love the games. MW3 is pretty exciting, especially with my explosive personality. ;) Wanna know what thats like? Add me on xbox 360 and Ill show you. ^.^ 


Been in a creative mood lately, feeling very down to earth with it all. LOVE the brain stuff swimming around in my thoughts. Been writing AND doodling! GO ME!!! Im excited. Yes. OH Speaking of excited! Im excited for CHRISTMAS!!!! Yes, I said CHRISTMAS!!!! You got a problem with it, bite me. We respect everyone elses religious things, why should we change our holiday spirit to fit the rest of the worlds demands? Freedom of speech and all that, jerks. 


Anyway, CHRISTMAS. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! Its so much fun, I love the lights and songs and foods and drinks that all come with it!!! I love the chance to fill someones hearts, and empty space under the tree when they really need it and seeing their family's eyes light up with joy when they realize, they DO have a christmas!!! Sadly, though, this year we will barely be able to afford a few things for our baby, but if I can figure out how to do something for someone this year, BY JEEBUS I WILL!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, ASSALAMU ALAIKUM!!!! And goodnight! :) 

Anal Much?

OH MY GAWD. Sometimes I cant stand people. Remember my antisocial-causing disabilities? Well they make me hate pretty much anyone I live with. Simply because everyone has their own issues about where they want things, how they want things cleaned, etc. See this I can handle to an extent. Notice, I said TO AN EXTENT. It irks me whenever I am told I have to do this, by this day at this hour, etc. 


Anal-ness is growing to be a major problem with me these days. I HATE anal people. All of you are probably thinking, "Is she talking about the butt sex?". You sick ass perverts, no I am NOT. I am talking about people from the above paragraph, with a size 400 dress of anal-retentiveness. If you're anal about something... I DONT BLOODY CARE. Be anal with yourself, not me. 


MOVING ON. We are FINALLY investigating some apartments/houses!!! Hopefully one of them will work out. Or I may become a homicidal, suicidal maniac. With a craving for pastries... 


...I think I need to get my meds updated lol. I seem to be having random bouts of babbling, insanity and pissiness. ^.^  Tiny baby is growing to be not so tiny nowadays... Hes getting so fat he is only 4 months old, wearing 6-12 month clothes... Hmmm. HES A LITTLE PIGGY!!! OK BYE PEOPLE!!!!! 

Holy Hand Grenade!

 Holy stuff happening since the last time I got on this thing! I had my beautiful baby boy, David Robert, on July 22, 2011. We went home a few days later after I had to have a c-section because he was all sideways and jacked up. Twelve hours later I was back in the hospital with congestive heart failure! YAY ME!!! They let me go home about a week later after draining 36 pounds of fluid out of me. HAHAHA. A day later my baby choked on his spit up and turned blue. HOLY MOTHER OF ALL SCARES. I got him breathing before the ambulance even showed up though... which took all ove three minutes because they are right around the corner.

He was later diagnosed with severe GERD. THEN we discovered he was allergic to dairy and I had to cut out dairy from my diet to nurse him and then turn his formula to Soy when i could no longer nurse. My beautiful baby boy is CHUNKY!!!! Oh my heck! He refuses baby food and only wants real, pureed food. Or he wont eat it! 


So I had a job for a bit, but because of my bad hip, I lost it... Which brings me to another point. A dear friend of mine, my baby's godmother, opened my eyes to this wonderful article. The Spoon Theory has helped me to explain to some people what I have to live with, and how it affects me. For the longest time Ive had to just pretend Im nothing but a stuck up, jerkish bitch. Because there was no way for me to explain it to people. 


See, there's a reason I keep away from people unless I know them well. There's a reason I struggle to get up in the morning, or to bother with everyday things like washing dishes. Its physically and emotionally exhausting to even think about doing anything more than rolling over in bed. My problems can amount to irritability, sickness, emotional outbursts, crying uncontrollably for no reason, or for the smallest things, and aches and pains. Some days I feel good, others I feel terrible. Mostly Im on the crap end of that stick. So I guess, all I can say about it is I dont have many spoons, and Im almost always low. 


Yes, I have debilitating medical issues, one of them is depression. Depression is the main reason for most of my problems and everything said above. Because of this, I constantly want to go out, when im feeling up to it, to try and forget about it, to make it better. When I cant, I pace the house, irritable and grouchy with no one to turn on but my husband. It doesnt help the relationship much. But we do what we can to work it out when it hits rough. 


Finances these days dont help that situation, and makes it even more stressful. We work things out the best we can, and try to find hope in everything. Sometimes we cant, and thats when we are at our worst, me with anxiety and panic, hubby with anger and panic... 


Moving on, I recently did facepainting/caricatures with my good friend/babys godmother. We did pretty well, and I am always very impressed with her artwork. It amazes me how well someone can do some of the things she does. I'm hoping since Im no longer employed, we can continue with the facepainting/caricature gig. Just gotta find some interested clientelle. I hope I can find SOMETHING... 

Long Time No Blog?

So I have come to realize I am very neglectful of my blog. Sad day! I should update you guys shouldn't I?! And so here I am, doing just that. :) 

The baby is doing SPLENDIDLY, taking over mommy's belly. He currently has this game going where anytime I try to move or lay down, he kicks me square in the gut. And when he gets hiccups, watching my belly is like watching one of those tidal pools you find at waterparks. He is very lively, very excitable and VERY large. I have renamed him "Baby Big Head." So if I randomly start going on about Baby Big Head, you know exactly who I'm talking about. 

Mommy on the other hand is constantly getting beat up from within, tired, stressed out, emotional and just drained all in all. Its hard to get much done when you cant bend over without the baby's foot ending up in your lung. I am very excited to see my baby's cute little pudgy face when he's born. And I have a feeling it will be sooner than everyone thinks. Don't ask me why I feel this way, I just do.

Which brings me to my next point. Baby Big Head arriving soon has made me realize just how much has not yet been done. And how much I HAVE to do. Still working on the moving plans, have to organize and put together the baby stuff, figure out all the bills, and soon take care of a baby in the middle of it all. I am SO excited to be able to do things again!!! The belly and the fatigue and pain have kept me from doing so much, Im excited to be able to walk alot, exercise, clean, organize and be me!!! :D 

So thats it for now, I think. Anyone have any questions or anything, feel free to hit me up on Facebook or text me! :) I will let you know as soon as Baby Big Head shows up!!!

On Death

So... Bin Laden is dead. Killed by the U.S. Military. After murdering so many, was he surprised when we found him? Was he surprised when we took him out for all the pain he had caused? I hope so. He'll never see those Virgins. I've seen people happy, excited and celebrating, and I've seen people BERATING the people celebrating because he's dead. We have a reason to celebrate. Because of this one, horrible man, so many people have suffered, and so many more have died. The saying "Kill one, save millions." has been seen numerous times, and this is one of those where it counts. 

Others say this is not the end of the war, so why celebrate at all? Bin Laden was the face of the Al Qaida. Yeah, someone is probably going to step into his place, but the thing is, they are weakened as it is without Bin Laden. Because he is gone, we have come one step closer to bringing everyone home, out of harm's way. It may get worse before it gets better, we may have more uprisings and such, but another saying "It's always darkest before the dawn." fits well here. We may not see much happen for awhile in the way of people coming home, but the day when we do is much closer than it was. 

As for those who think its not right to be happy about his death and think "God" will judge him and that's the final say? A. Not everyone believes in god. And B. Yeah, he'll be judged by some higher power, but as for those of us that KNOW what he did, and know how badly he's hurt so many people, we rejoice in the fact that he can no longer cause pain, no longer cause fear. 

Now onto my opinion: Bin Laden was a murderer. He was a terrorist, a man who took more lives than he could count to in his entire lifetime. He deserved the death he received, and I am doubting he'll ever see those virgins. I hope the person that took him out is given the highest honor possibly named in the entire planet. I'm proud of the people that took him down. And I have a big smile on my face knowing Bin Laden is dead. 

I feel for all the innocents harmed in this war. I hope it can end soon.